Special Candy for Special Occasions

The Rules of Chocolate

~ If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
~ But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
~ If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
~ Money talks. Chocolate sings.
~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
~ Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.
~ If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
~ Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex

1. It melts in your mouth, not in your hand
2. You can have chocolate all weekend long and still walk straight on Monday
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother
7. With chocolate there's no need for a wrapper.
8. Chocolate doesn't complain if you don't eat it right.
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate
10. You can have chocolate on your desk without upsetting your co-workers
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped
12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate
13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it
14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month
16. Good chocolate is easy to find
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake
20. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good
21. Having chocolate in public won't get you arrested on morals charges
22. You don't have to take the whole thing into your mouth at once
23. You don't have to wash your chocolate before eating it.
24. You don't have to tell chocolate how good it was afterwards
25. You CAN GET Chocolate !!